Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
