Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
