I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
