ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
