I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
