got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
