Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
