Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
