my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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