if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
