when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
