Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
