well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
