i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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