things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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