**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
