Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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