dude i'm inner monologue high
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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