I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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