Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
