Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
