Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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