Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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