Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
