Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
