Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
