why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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