Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
