I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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