On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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