you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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