No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
