i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
be right there i have to get my cape
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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