I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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