I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
