i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
