I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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