You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
