sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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