why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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