Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
