Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
