Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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