Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
