out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
