Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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