just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
