Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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