Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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