i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
