That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
