a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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