you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dicks are not precious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
