his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
